You know the story. You are about to purchase something. Let’s stick to food as an example. This is where the heinous act is usually committed.

You buy food. Let’s call it Yum. You buy a little extra than is necessary. You know ‘X’ likes it. There’s enough for seconds.

You get back and ‘X’ doesn’t want any. It’s fresh, not freezer friendly and there’s a window of about 58 seconds before it turns to mold. You shrug your shoulders, eat some more a day later, but there’s still some left. It goes to waste.

Let’s say a month goes by. You buy again, a little more on account of ‘X’. You get back, but ‘X’ doesn’t want any.

Next time you know. Waste is a partner in crime. It’s not cool. You buy just enough. Not going down that road again. You get back, and hear,

“Yeah, that looks nice. I’ll have some of that.”

Polite You, if you’re lucky, licks the fork/spoon/dish because this time, there really wasn’t enough to stretch for two.

Next time, with optimism on your shopping list, you buy again. But no one told you it was Groundhog Day. ‘X’ doesn’t want any.

So you stop. Stop buying any of it. At all. Months later ‘X’ says one day,

“You don’t buy Yum anymore!”

Sometimes, you ask straight out. “Would you like some Yum? No? Are you sure? Because I can get enough for two? Two yums? That’s a ‘no’ then? Ok, I’ll buy just one yum for me because you say you don’t want any.”

You return.

X says, “Looks nice, can I have a taste?”

Polite Me says, “Yes, ‘course.”

X says, “That’s Yum.”

Polite Me says, “Would you like some?”

X says, “Yes, go on then if there’s enough.”

And it’s a sticky toffee pudding serving for one.

They must know that there isn’t friggin’ enough.

What is that? What IS THAT?

Do they have an inbuilt sensor, intercepting, serving to remind us how Potentially Bloody Irritating they can be?

Because being irritating is a form of attention, isn’t it? That’s what they want, isn’t it? Attention?

Attention of the passive-aggressive kind, perhaps?

Or is it a ‘grass is always greener’ complex?

And it’s that very British politeness that stops us from telling them in stronger terms that the offer was on the table a long time ago. And they said, ‘no’. So, tough.

Isn’t it? ISN’T IT?

Please help me out here.